Happy Kartini Day

A typical special day of Indonesia to celebrate how far women have travelled or to remind us how far yet they need to travel -- depending on our point of view.

Kartini was an Indonesian woman who lived during the beginning of the twentieth century whose mindset was much more advanced than other women in those days. I personally voted for other women figures during those days but I do respect her for her thoughts.

So here is to all the women in the world. A song by Lisa Standsfield called All Woman. A beautiful song.

She smiles at him as he walks through the door
She wonders if it will be okay
It's hard for her when he doesn't respond

He says babe you look a mess
You look dowdy in that dress
It's just not like it used to be
Then she says...

Chorus:
I may not be a lady
But I'm all woman
From monday to sunday I work harder than you know
I'm no classy lady
But I'm all woman
And this woman needs a little love to make her strong
You're not the only one

She stands there and lets the tears flow
Tears that she's been holding back so long
She wonders where did all the loving go
The love they used to share when they were strong

She says yes I look a mess
But I don't love you any less
I thought you always thought enough of me to always be impressed

(Chorus)

He holds her and hangs his head in shame
He doesn't see her like he used to do
He's too wrapped up in working for his pay
He hasn't seen the pain he's put her through

Attention that he paid
Just vanished in the haze
He remembers how it used to be
When he used to say

You'll always be a lady
'Cos you're all woman
From monday to sunday I love you much more than you know
You're a classy lady
'Cos you're all woman
This woman needs a loving man to keep her warm

You're the only one
You're a classy lady
'Cos you're all woman

So sweet the love that used to be
So sweet the love that used to be

We can be sweet again...

Ha ha, very funny, God

A personal story with the Spanish Immigration office. I will tell you the chronology, much easier.

Oct 2005 - The Spanish embassy’ visa section gave me a three month visa and said that I need to extend it once I arrive in Spain.

W1 Dec 2005 – Arrived in Spain

W2 Dec 2005 - Went to the immigration office in Seville. Stood in line for four hours. They said they would mail me a letter.

W4 Jan 2006 – No letter yet. Returned to the Office and they said I needed to wait a bit more.

W4 Feb 2006 – No letter yet. Returned to the Office and once again I needed to wait a bit more.

W4 Mar 2006 – No letter yet. Returned to the Office. They had changed the queuing system and I was late – twice.

W1 Apr 2006 , Monday – Returned to the Office. Stood in line since 7.30am. Waited until 2pm. Turned out that they had put a wrong address in my letter. I needed to return to set up an appointment with the Police.

W1 Apr 2006 , Monday – Returned to the Office. Stood in line since 7.30am. Made the appointment but the appointment was for 28 April 2006 – by then I would have left Seville for Barcelona. The man said then I needed to go to the Police office in Barcelona.

Yesterday – Cannot remember the names, let us call them Immigration Office A, B and C. Went to the Office A, which was the address given by my school. After waiting for almost one hour, Office A turned out to be only for the European Community. They said, go to Office B. Right. Went there. Another line – a shorter one though. They said, no, here is only for extending your student card, not to make one. So you need to go to Office C to make the student card. It was too late to go there because it closes at 2pm. Fine, tomorrow then.

Earlier today – Went to Office C. Wait for half an hour. The lady said it was too late for me to make a student card, because a student card needs five weeks to make and I only have four weeks left in school. She also said that I would have no problem with the immigration as long as I return to my country directly after my study, which is what I am planning to do.

So all these, to come to a conclusion that I need not do anything to extend my visa. I do not mind actually – my emotion was literally flat during the process. (is that good or bad?) In fact, I kind of enjoyed watching all other people (like myself) waiting in line. I spent my time reading, doing my Spanish exercises, talking to people or humming the song played by my ipod.

But I do think the whole process is not necessary. Or is it? Just for God to see what I have learned at my other school – the school of Life, or as my friend calls it: the school of emotion. So, how am I doing, God?

The First Time

Yet another U2 moment. You must have figured it out by now who is one of my favorite bands.

I have a lover, a lover like no other
She got soul, soul, soul, sweet soul
And she teach me how to sing.

Shows me colours when there's none to see
Gives me hope when I can't believe
That for the first time I feel love.

I have a brother, when I'm a brother in need
I spend my whole time running
He spends his running after me.

I feel myself goin' down
I just call and he comes around.
But for the first time I feel love.

My father is a rich man, he wears a rich man's cloak.
He gave me the keys to his kingdom (coming)
Gave me a cup of gold.

He said "I have many mansions
And there are many rooms to see."
But I left by the back door
And I threw away the key
And I threw away the key.

For the first time, for the first time
For the first time, I feel love.

Who died?

I will show you how ignorant a person can be. Example: me.

Seville is known to have one of the most exciting traditional Easters, or as they called it “La Semana Santa”, a whole week of processions and street parades. Needless to say, to commemorate the death and the resurrection of Jesus (apology if I have used incorrect terms, let me know)

So here I am, walking on the street with a friend, when I noticed that many women were wearing black. I asked my friend why they were wearing black and she said it was a dress for mourning – you know, when someone has died. Me being me, I asked leisurely and innocently, “Who died?”

You can imagine how my friend looked at me with a puzzled and amazed expression. Two seconds, and I realized. Oh. I see – as I crossed the road in the middle of hundreds of people carrying crosses and a big statue of Jesus and the cross as well as Mother Mary.

Just to show how ‘stupid’ I can be occasionally – otherwise, I am brilliant. He he, kiddin.

- This piece, I wrote especially for you ;) -

I shall miss you, Seville

A liberal translation of the previous text.

I cannot believe that the time has come for me to leave Seville. Time does indeed fly when we are having fun.

Thank you, everybody, for a once in a lifetime experience. You cannot imagine what I have learned and what has happened to me during my stay in Seville. My life there was like a dream but now I need to move on to the next stage.

My special thanks goes to:

My teachers and personnel of Don Quijote/Enforrex Seville for everything (here, In Spanish, we use the word ‘por’ and not ‘para’. I remember, Inma ;)): Alejandro (with ‘jota’), Ana, Carlos, Cati, Las Cármenes (Maria Carmen, Carmen Maria and Carmen), Cielo, Inma, Javier (with ‘jota’ as well), Lorena, Paco, Paloma and Silvia. You guys are truly like no other.

My friends in DQ, including (fufff, quite a lot) Danielle, Floor, Corinne, Ameer, Steve, Sam, Nat, Yuki, Caroline, Linn, Eric, Emely, Kirstin, Manu, Grazi, Hank, Michelle, Thierry, Judit, Mike, Tricia, Pat, Marco, Oswaldo, Fabio, Mauro, Erin, Amy and so many more.

My friends outside of DQ in Sevilla: Julio, Julián, Tania, José, Lola, Juan, Ana, Diego, Luciano, Ricardo, Maria and Jorge.

My family in Seville, of course – Yolanda, Darío, Antonio and Silvia (Silvia, for you, twice!). There is neither home nor family that could have been more perfect for me than yours.

And, last but certainly not least, my family and friends in Indonesia or anywhere else in the world that have always accompanied me throughout this time. Yes, I do realize how lucky I am (right, right, thanks to You as well, Lord)

I promise you that I will return to Seville and that you will always have me as your friend. I will miss you.

Right, boys and girls. That is it. Until we meet again - some time, somewhere, somehow. Take care. Wishing you a life full of love, peace and happiness.

Hugs and kisses

Te echaré de menos, Sevilla

Now, I apologize to all the non spanish speaking visitors. I promise I shall write the English version of this entry.

No puedo pensarlo pero ya el tiempo para salir de Sevilla ha llegado para mí. El tiempo de la verdad vuela cuando lo pasamos bien.

Gracias a todo el mundo por una experiencia única que puedo tener en mi vida. No podéis imaginar lo que he aprendido y que me ha pasado durante mi estancia en Sevilla. Mi vida era como un sueño, pero ahora necesito avanzar a la siguiente etapa de mi vida.

Agradezco especialmente:

A mis profesores y el personal de Don Quijote/Enforrex por todo (con ‘por’, no ‘para’. Me acuerdo, Inma ;)): Alejandro (con ‘jota’), Ana, Carlos, Cati, Las Cármenes (Maria Carmen, Carmen Maria y Carmen), Cielo, Inma, Javier (con ‘jota’ también), Lorena, Paco, Paloma, y Silvia. Efectivamente vosotros sóis de lo que no hay.

A mis amigos de DQ, incluso (fufff, muchos) Danielle, Floor, Corinne, Ameer, Steve, Sam, Nat, Yuki, Caroline, Linn, Eric, Emely, Kirstin, Manu, Grazi, Hank, Michelle, Thierry, Judit, Mike, Tricia, Pat, Marco, Oswaldo, Fabio, Mauro, Erin, Amy y mucho mas.

A mis amigos fuera de DQ en Sevilla: Julio, Julián, Tania, José, Lola, Juan, Ana, Diego, Luciano, Maria, Ricardo y Jorge.

A mi familia de Sevilla, por supuesto – Yolanda, Darío, Antonio y Silvia (Silvia, para tí, dos veces!). No hay casa ni familia que sean mejores para mí.

Y, la última pero claro que no es para menos, a mi familia y a mis amigos en Indonesia o en el resto del mundo que siempre me han acompañado. Ya lo sé que tengo mucha suerte. (vale, sí, a Tí también, Señor)

Os prometo que yo volveré a Sevilla otra vez y que vosotros siempre me tengáis como vuestra amiga. Os echaré de menos.

Venga, niños. Pues nada. Hasta siempre. Cuídate, ¿vale? ¡Que tengáis una vida que es llena de amor, paz, y felicidad!

Muchos besos y fuertes abrazos.

RUU APP: masih belum puas..

Nambah lagi ya. Masih berputar terus nih di kepala.

Saya jadi bertanya-tanya… sejauh mana pemerintah bisa menentukan dan mengatur “moralitas” bangsa, hingga ke cara berpakaian kita pribadi. Standar siapa yang dipakai? Soalnya standar berpakaian yang gosipnya bakal diterapkan itu tidak akrab dengan keluarga saya (Apa berarti selama ini bapak ibu saya juga turut memerosotkan moral bangsa? Nakal ya) Soalnya, saya sih gak ngerasa teman-teman saya jadi napsu karena pakaian yang saya pakai.

Yang saya khawatirkan… pembatasan apa lagi yang akan diterapkan kepada kita yang mengatasnamakan penjagaan moralitas bangsa. Sekali lagi, dengan standar siapa? Kenapa sih kita dipagari seperti ini? Padahal semua pakar psikologi keluarga bilang bahwa pemagaran anak terlalu ketat tidak baik. Dan saya belum pernah mendengar negara yang menerapkan peraturan ketat seperti ini bisa lantas meningkatkan 'moral' dan mensejahterakan bangsa.

Pada saat tingkat pendidikan dan pemahaman masyarakat semakin tinggi, kenapa malah menggunakan peraturan otoriter untuk memaksakan suatu norma masyarakat dengan mengatasnamakan kepentingan umum dan kehendak mayoritas? Siapa sih mayoritas itu? Kok kebanyakan orang (yang saya tahu) kayaknya termasuk minoritas?

"salahin" temen saya, dia yang membuat saya jadi berpikir dan berkomentar tentang ini. Dan kalau udah mulai berpikir.. gak bisa berhenti. Let's get the ball rolling .

RUU APP: Pak Polisi, aman gak pake baju ini?

Apology to all the non-Indonesian-speaking visitors, for I want to write this article in Indonesian languange.

Dua hari lalu, saya ngobrol dengan teman saya tentang RUU APP (Anti Pornografi dan Pornoaksi). Udah baca RUU-nya belum? Salah satu yang menarik perhatian saya adalah pasal mengenai cara berpakaian dan ciuman bibir di muka umum.

Awalnya saya pikir cara berpakaian saya aman dan gak situ-gitu amat. Tapi setelah mencermati baju yang ada di lemari saya, ternyata banyak lho yang tidak sesuai dengan ketentuan UU. Wah, gawat. Gak nyangka kalau selama ini saya sudah berperan aktif dalam merusak moral dan akhlak rakyat Indonesia.

Jadi kepikiran, gimana ya kalau pemerintah benar-benar menerapkan UU ini?

Yang pasti…

....koleksi baju saya jadi sangat mahal karena saya harus memperhitungkan denda yang harus saya bayar. Harga satu baju, misalnya celana pendek, stretch untuk olahraga, kaos kutung atau blus dengan kancing agak rendah, harus ditambah Rp200juta-1 milyar. Misal baju saya ada 10, maka biayanya berjumlah 2-10 milyar. Weleh.

…. ada (baca: banyak banget) teman saya yang harus merombak total koleksi bajunya. He he.

…. tenaga kerja bangunan atau supir angkutan umum yang gemar bertelanjang dada saat bekerja harus ditangkepin juga. Kecuali kalau ketentuan ini sebenarnya ditujukan terbatas untuk perempuan aja.

…. Tradisi cipika-cipiki (cium pipi kanan – kiri) saat ketemuan temen di mal bisa jadi risky business. Jangan-jangan kalau dilihat dari sudut pandang tertentu bisa disangka ciuman bibir lagi. Belum cipika cipiki dengan lawan jenis.

…. Saya harus kasih tahu temen-temen saya (non-Indo) yang memang kalau jalan amplitudo gerakan tubuhnya cukup tinggi. Kebiasaan, tanpa maksud mesum. Kasihan, harus belajar jalan dulu sebelum mampir ke Indonesia. Belum lagi harus beli baju baru. Tambah males aja mereka ke Indo.

Yang saya ragu… baju mana yang membahayakan dan mana yang aman. Kalau yang nyingkap hanya saat posisi tertentu (misal pas saya ngangkat tangan keliatan dikit pinggang, masuk gak? Kalau baju yang tidak terbuka tapi agak ngepas di badan, masuk gak?

Nanti jangan-jangan Polisi menegur saya lagi:, “Maaf, Anda kami tahan karena baju Anda, ehm, menonjolkan bagian depan Anda.” Wah, kalau yang itu mah, terus terang ya Pak, agak susah ditutupin. Apalagi kalau saya lagi agak ndut. Kecuali kalau saya pake selimut kemana-mana.

Repot juga ya. Mungkin paling aman, datang ke kantor polisi dan nanya.. Pak Polisi, aman gak pake baju ini???

Oh well

Yesterday I went to an introductory class of Zen. I was so late but I still wanted to go for some reasons unknown even to me. The lesson from the class that sticks to my mind most is: for whatever things that happen in life, relax, accept it and you will see things from a different light.

Well, what do you know.. Today was the practice session. It has been a strange day. Nothing has gone according to plan yet I do not mind. I said ‘oh well’ a lot today. I shrug my shoulders and went about doing other things.

I woke up and my ‘family’ here has gone to work. Oh well. We did not have hot water but I needed to wash my hair. Oh well. My friend and I were supposed to go to another town but we cancelled it because the weather was not good. Oh well. We were supposed to meet for coffee but she needed to work until late. Oh well.

I went to a café near my school, but I could only sat there for a little while because they were closing. Oh well. I went to an Internet café and even there my notebook could not connect to the network. Oh well. I went to another Internet café. I checked my e-mail but there were no new e-mails. Oh well.

I SMS-ed two other friends but they were out of town. Oh well. Another friend actually called to ask if I wanted to meet, yet here, I said no. Oh well. I wanted to stop by a fast food restaurant for a quick meal but they were all full. Oh well. I came home and my family was still out. I was alone in the house. Oh well.

Yet, today I felt much more peaceful and relaxed than these last few days, or even weeks. I sat down at a café and read Rumi’s Divani Shams, I shed a tear and somehow I felt relieved. I walked around the town – which I will leave in the next two weeks – and I could feel its beauty. I went into a church just to sit down and to stay silence. Again I shed a tear.

I went home and wrote this piece. I shed another tear. It is like someone was saying to me: “Now, have you got it? Relax, accept things as they are, and let life takes its own course. Life will take care of everything for you.” I have learned my lesson for the day. I am in peace with myself. I can feel it within me.

Now I understand what my friend meant when she said, "the next time you pray, dzikir or meditate, try to see yourself. Try to enter to your innerself instead of going out. Control your anxiety." It is all in us. When we search within, we shall find ourselves. And when we find ourselves, we shall find God.

Someone has all the luck

You are not tired of my chat conversation, are you? I promised this would be a short one.

My friend’s Yahoo Messenger status was: “do not know what to think”
Me: Well, think of me then ;)
Fr: About work I mean.
Me: Oh well, still, while you cannot think of work, think of me.
Fr: I do think of you occasionally, you know?
Me: Really? When?
Fr: Whenever I think, “somebody has all the luck”

I was dumb founded. Speechless. I have to admit, I am very lucky.

How many of us can and do actually ditch our work voluntarily, take a one year sabbatical leave, and travel to all sorts of places others can only dream of? How many of us can feel so confident that we will always find work that we like and that in fact work will find us – not the other way around? How many of us have heaps of family and friends who love us and whom we love? How many of us choose to work because we like it and not because we have to? How many of us have enjoyed and can actually feel this much love from God?

So what I am doing complaining about things anyway?

PS: And the truth is, if you can spend these few minutes browsing the Web and reading this entry probably in an air conditioned comfy room while sipping a hot cup of coffee or tea, then chances are you are not doing that bad either.

Slap slap

Another conversation with a friend (Fr). A reminder.

Fr: So what do you do now?
Me: Nothing much, really.
Me: Am bored half to death.
Fr: Count your blessings
Me: But I cannot help feeling bored. Well, I feel unproductive. Feel a bit guilty for having this much free time.
Fr: Then produce something while you are there
Fr: Within
Me: That, yes.
Fr: There is no excuse to be bored half to death then
Fr: You requested something and the universe granted your wish
Me: Ha ha, yes, I know. Amazing.
Fr: Stop whining that you are bored
Me: Yes mom.
Fr: you wrote: Again, being skeptics are still ok. But please do not stop at being just negative about things. If we do not like it, let us do something about it. And if we do not want to do anything, let us stop complaining. And, by the way, what makes us think that we are better than 'them' anyway?
Me: yes?
Fr: ....let us stop complaining
Me: Ha ha, notice that I put "us", me included.
Fr: Absolutely
Fr: so whenever you open your mouth or start writing or sharing or expressing that you are bored, perhaps you should remember what you wrote...
Me: I do.
Fr: Great
Fr: Off to zzz-land now
Me: ok.

My friend was absolutely right. I did ask for this and the universe has granted my wish. The conversation has said it all. No need for further comment from me. Thank you.

Thank you Lord for my family

Earlier today, all my brothers and sisters went to another town. I cannot remember when was the last time we went out of town together. I was not there unfortunately but a little bird (there are many little birds in my family) has told me how it went.

They chatted. They laughed. They played jokes among them. They told stories, private stories. They were very relaxed and open. Just like how bothers and sisters should be. I was not there but I smiled as I read the story. I can feel the happiness. I can feel the warmth. I can feel the love. I feel happy.

Added that with my 11 nephews and nieces, and my parents, and my cat, and my closed friends. I have to admit, I am looking forward to go home. I am so lucky to have such a home.

Thank you Lord for such a simple yet profound happiness.

Twisted words, yes, I still hate them

I shall try to tell you a story without revealing the incidence. Suffice to say, I have been blamed for something that I have not done.

A friend (A – let us say, a her) has used me as an excuse when another friend (B - him) asked her why she has chosen X over Y: “because Eva has told me such and such”. Something that had nothing to do with me (anymore). What a meddling bitch I am, if I were to do it.

Luckily, B was kind enough to reconfirm it with me. I felt that my words were taken out of the context. Firstly, I might have said it a long time ago that it should have become obsolete information. My friend A, I believe, should be intelligent enough to know this. Secondly, that was not the whole thing that I said. I said, “such and such but of course you can give X a try. It would do you no harm.”

I know I am vague here but I hope you get the gist. My first reaction when I heard this was, well, certain swear words came to mind (and mouth). Then I calmed down, and explained what happened to B. B was kind enough to understand. We have been friends for a long time.

I was amazed by my emotion (blame the monthly female period for this). I thought I have calmed down but this incidence is just small reminder that I still have a lot to learn. It was also a reminder of what awaits me when I return ‘to the real world’ or when I come out of my sabbatical period.

Twisted words - how dangerous can they be. How should one respond to that? Should we defend ourselves whenever this ‘attack’ crops up? It can be very tiring. But if we do not respond, will that damage our name? Should we care?

No wonder the Prophet (may God bless him and grant him peace) once said that one of the things we need to be careful with is that we have between our ears (i.e. our mouth). No wonder that more than half of the 10 legacies of Hasan Al-Banna focused on verbal communications. No wonder that the great Al Ghazali has dedicated a whole book on “the evil of the tongue”. Twisted words - how dangerous can they be.

PS: Mind you, I may not be free from that myself, unfortunately. I am still learning.

The painting competition

An old story worth reiterating.

Once upon a time the Chinese having challenged the Greeks to a trial of skill in painting, the Sultan summoned them both into edifices built for the purpose directly facing each other, and commanded them to show proof of their art. The painters of the two nations immediately applied themselves with diligence to their work.

The Chinese sought and obtained of the king every day a great quantity of colours, but the Greeks not the least particle. Both worked in profound silence, until the clangor of cymbals and of trumpets, announced the end of their labours.

Immediately the king, with his courtiers, hastened to their temple, and there stood amazed at the wonderful splendour of the Chinese painting and the exquisite beauty of the colours.

But meanwhile the Greeks, who had not sought to adorn the walls with paints, but laboured rather to erase every colour, drew aside the veil which concealed their work. Then, wonderful to tell, the manifold variety of the Chinese colours was seen still more delicately and beautifully reflected from the walls of the Grecian temple, as it stood illuminated by the rays of the midday sun."

This parable, of course, illustrates the favourite Sufi tenet that the heart must be kept pure and calm as an unspotted mirror.

Taken from Al Ghazali’s Ihya. Oh, how I miss reading your books.

Karma, reincarnation and the Ultimate Divine

Three things that we need to keep in mind, if we do not want to be bothered with the complexity of any religion. It is too complex for me to explain these concepts comprehensively and I may not be the right person to do so. But let me say this:

We are all connected. We are part of the world. We are part of the Ultimate Divine. In each of us lies the God within, but we are not God. We are still mere human but we have a spark of God within us.

All religions hint this – mostly implicitly. But many so called religious people or organizations got bogged down in the literal meaning of the words in their bibles, in the details of prayers and processions, and in determining who is right or wrong. The teaching, which should have led us to peace and wisdom, has turned us into beings of hatred and prejudice instead. How sad is that. No wonder many turns their back on religions.

Let us return to our original discussion. Each of us is striving to be better, to reach a better state of being. It is a long journey. That is why we need several lives to achieve it - hence, the need for reincarnation.

Each life is meant to be a step closer to the state of bliss, whose destination is solely to be one with the Truth, the Ultimate Divine, God, whatever we want to call it. This can only be reached through altruism, where we do everything selfishly for the betterment of humanity, without any desire to be recognized or appreciated. Yes, complex, but possible.

If you cannot accept the concept above, at least accept the Law of Karma: what goes around, comes around. Whatever we do, good or bad, will affect our future. At least this would make us more careful and would hinder us from hurting other beings. Karma is nature’s way of keeping the world in equilibrium – the basic physics concept of action and reaction.

No such thing as bad karma. All karmas are meant to be a way to improve a person. As an Indonesian named Aa Gym used to say: it does not matter what happens to you, what matters is how you respond to it, and that you come out a better person.

Again, not easy but it is possible. "All" we need to do is to just keep walking -- to focus on what is there in front of us, to not worry too much about our future -- and to listen to our heart always. Do not let your mind get in your way.

You do not need to believe every single word I say. To each, his own understanding and journey. The only ‘person’ that we need to listen to is ourselves within – our own heart, the God within us.

If we think it makes sense, then we can accept it as an addition to our knowledge and wisdom. If not, then we are free to leave it be, but please honor the differences – perhaps it is not time for us to accept it yet, or perhaps that person might be wrong. Let it be. To each his own understanding and journey.

As my friend, who studied theology, once said: “perhaps all religions as we know them are right. Or perhaps they are all just bullocks. We do not know.” Sad, but she might be right.

Happy father’s day

To my fathers – the real McCoy and all that have been like a father to me.

My birth father passed away more than 10 years ago.

He used to tell me the same bedtime story (yes, one same story) over and over again every night when I was little. But I had never got tired of it.

When I had grown up a bit, he still treated me as a kid. I used to hate it. There was even ‘one time’ when I disliked him so much that I refused to talk to him, not even a single word. The one time lasted for about two or three years. Yet, he was patient. He knew it would pass. It did and I loved him more than ever.

He loved books and learning new things. He loved discussing, second-guessing and questioning things. He was a man of common sense and vision.

He never complained about life. He was always thankful for whatever life had given him. He was a humble man. He worked hard but he never boasted about his success or his possessions.

I remember one time I had left my jacket in the taxi. I panicked. He looked at me and said, “Let it go, let it go”. I would never forget those words. Whenever something ‘bad’ happen, I told myself to let go.

He was helpful to his friends and relatives, but straightforward as well. When he did not like something, he would gladly say it. He had many good friends. Many of which remain friends to the family until today.

He (and Mom) let me choose what I want to do from the very early age. I cannot remember when was the last time they forbid me from doing anything. They always let me decide. Some people were still wondering how they could do that.

My father was not a saint. He was not free from sins or wrongdoings. Perhaps there are many things that I do not know about him. But I love him just the same. My mom and dad are the greatest in the world.

Happy father’s day, Pop. Thank you for everything. May you find peace, love and happiness in God’s eternal land. I love you. I love you too, Mom.

“I cannot understand…”

My teacher used that phrase yesterday when she was talking about a certain group of people which was much too often accused of living an unhealthy way of life. They steal, rob, etc, or so the perception goes.

She was basically saying that she does not like, she hates, she wants to stay away, and she does not want anything to do, with them. All those could have been a very strong statement.

But she did not use those words. Instead she used the phrase “I cannot understand” – She cannot understand why those people act that way.

Nice, I think. Instead of having a final judgment, generalizing, or being direct about it, she puts the ‘blame’ on her. Like saying “It is me who cannot understand. Perhaps they have a good reason or background why they do things the way they do it, which I do not know. Perhaps if I get to know them better, I will understand better as well.”

I have heard so many times how negative people think of that group. It has (almost) become a prejudice. But when I heard she said it, it does not feel like one. She puts ‘the blame’ on her. She points the finger at her and not somebody else.

Judging a book by its cover

Let me describe a friend of mine. She is Asian. Not much taller than I am but quite skinny. She smiles a lot. When she talks, she talks with a very soft voice, like she is unsure. She speaks Spanish but it is not really perfect. She hardly speaks English. She is learning how to dance flamenco but she is not exactly there yet. Can you picture her? Honestly, she does not seem like a strong personality to me. Not at first.

(My) Lessons learned: never prejudge, never underestimate.

We had coffee last night and she started telling me her story. She has been living in Spain for one year. She came here alone without knowing how to speak a word of Spanish. She has been moving from one city to another. In each city, she searched for her own apartment without having anyone to help her. She did not know anybody but she is not afraid to make friends despite of her not-so-perfect Spanish.

She is not afraid of learning something new. She studied to be a cook. Now she is planning to move to another city in Northern Spain just to learn how to cook in a special cook school. She does not know how long she will stay here yet. She will know when enough is enough. She also needs to work for her money otherwise she will not have enough.

She said much more but this should be enough. She told the story very lightly and as always with a smile on her face. I explicitly said to her that I love her story. It sounded so strong and adventurous.

Lessons learned for me: never prejudge, never underestimate. I love people who fight for their lives in a positively persistent manner. Hats off. Proficiat.

Bored, bored, bored

Another confession: I am bored.

I am practically doing nothing during these six months in Spain except learning the language. Not that I am undermining my learning Spanish or my spiritual process. Nor am I not thankful for this blessing called life. But I used to do and am used to doing a lot more. I feel useless and meaningless. I am bored.

But when I told this to my friends, they were puzzled. There are so many things you can do, they said, such as reading, traveling, and visiting museums. Go out and enjoy yourself, they added, you have what many people can only dream of: a one-year sabbatical leave, a 365 days of being free to do whatever you want without having to go to work. What a dream comes true.

Well, thank you. But that is exactly where the problem lies. All I do are going to four-hours-a-day classes, reading, traveling and chatting with friends. There are so many wrongs in the world and yet I am sitting here doing ‘nothing’. I need something more productive, something that will lead to producing something, something that is beneficial for other people. I feel useless. I feel guilty.

I do not know. Maybe it is just me. I am incapable of ‘enjoying myself’, if I were to apply the definition of “enjoying myself” used by so many people.

Am I strange to feel so bored in the middle of this beautiful country among these beautiful people? Am I wrong to feel useless and guilty? Am I weird for not being able to ‘enjoy myself’ and wanting to return to getting busy?

Enlighten me, people.

Faith

Interesting.

The word “faith”, according to Encarta World English Dictionary, means, “belief in, devotion to, or trust in somebody or something, especially without logical proof”.

Yet, do you know that the word “faith”, comes from “pistis” of the Greeks, which means "belief based on knowledge," whether supplied by the evidence of physical or spiritual senses?

Interesting, is it not? How the meaning has evolved through times so far to being practically the contrary. So which type of faith do you subscribe to?

PS: If faith without knowledge is not really faith, does this mean that ‘blind faith’ is a contradictive term?