Peace in Ramadhan: Animals know better

(why the heck do I put two threads on Ramadhan anyway? Well first, I forgot where I had put the text for this thread. Second, because I want to. Third, because this is my blog and I can do whatever I want with it).

Why do I put pictures of animals for Ramadhan article, you ask. Here is the process. I was flipping through my pictures and promised myself to stop at the first pictures that reminds me of Ramadhan in a split second. When I saw these pictures, I immediately went "aaawwwwhhh", so sweet, so refreshing, so calm. peace. happy.

And that is what I hope Ramadhan may bring to me, to us all: peace and happiness. Within. An internal and internalized process to rejuvenate the soul, to create peace, to search for peace, to do peace. To be peace.

Enjoy a good Ramadhan. A peaceful one. Within.

I can hear my cat Miauw laughing and saying "hah, I told you so. And you thought you were the higher being."

Holy month, humble wishes

It is that time of the lunar year again when all (well, ok, granted, not all) Moslems are fasting. A holy month when hundreds of years ago the Moslems believe the holy book has ‘descended’ to earth through the prophet Muhammad for the first time.

To all who observe the Ramadhan, may we gain much more than just hunger and thirst. In hunger and thirst, we remind ourselves of our brother and sisters who are not as fortunate as we are. In hunger and thirst, we remind ourselves of no reason to be proud. In hunger and thirst, we remind ourselves of God and of being god-like.

To all, I apologize for the wrongs that I might have thought, said or done. I apologize to you and I ask God for His forgiveness.

May we all – all of us, moslems and non-moslems -- be touched by the grandness, peace and love shared in this month. Be aware that God is within each and every one of us. And that ultimately, He is the only way to go, whichever our belief system is.

Return to the true meaning of Islam: a complete surrender to God. In peace. Happy Ramadhan, y'all!!

Still in the school of emotion

I am in that mood again. One in which I do not feel like talking or chit chatting – imagine that, me not like talking. I would rather stay in my room with my notebook and its Internet connection. Lights off. With nobody around. With no music turned on.

Writing this. Or chatting with certain people – a selected bunch of people (if only they knew how selected they were). Look at me. Just after writing the previous article about perspective, I am writing this article.

The school of emotion. Very important. What a challenging task for a person as moody as I am. Obviously I have not graduated yet. Enough said.

Except to add: I am so looking forward to my next trip to Mecca. Miss You. Miss me. Miss Us. I should not have. I do not have any reason to because You are always with me, We are always together. But there You have it. In the school of emotion.

- Hi Floor, are you still breathing the environment as beautifully as you used to? -

I know you.. You are me!

It has happened again. I have met me – or part of me. Well, people that reminds me of me. I understand them. I understand where they are coming from. And I see what I can become. I see what I could have become. Some were good, some – I am glad I decided not to be.

One asked how I could know her so well. I had a hard time answering that question at that time. It took me a while to say, to realize or to admit: “Because you are me. The decisions that you are making, I have made that as well and lived the consequences. The anxieties and hurt that you are feeling, I have felt that as well. But somewhere along the line, we have decided to take on different routes.”

I have said a lot to them. I have asked a lot of questions. I have given them many of my two-cent. The truth is, those will be the questions, the answers, and the advices that I would have given to myself as well. I was not only talking to them, I was talking to me.

Obviously I have not learned my lesson yet, because I am still telling me this. Because I am still experiencing this through my own experience or through meeting them. Because it still hurts even as I am writing this. I am not over that yet. I am still learning.

Another said: “You learn your lessons anywhere, everywhere. It is just a matter of how we see things.”

I keep saying thanks to various people from whom I have learned so much. And I will say it again: thank you. To my friends. To brothers and sisters. Mom and Dad - of course. To strangers. To God. From the bottom of my heart.

And I want to say thanks to two people in particular: Mbak Lita and Ong - of Maverick. Both of whom have been my supervisors. my mentors and my friends from Day One of my working years. I could not have survived this far without you both.

A matter of perspective

If you are, ehm, an avid reader, then you know that I am a freelancer. Three months and counting, heyyyy, cool (me giving a pat on my own back).

The truth: I was worried for a while. The number in the account is going down. Damned, I think, I am not pulling my weight here. The old pal called anxiety strikes again. I had no clue what I would do next month. I have got to find another project.

I learned that there might be some delays in the payment from my recent project. Greeeaatt. (I was about to say shit, but, oops, ok, there I have said it). Should I make a case out of it? I decided not to.

Then, I thought, what the hell am I saying? (sorry for the choice of words in this article). I have chosen and still choose to be in this situation. I actually have enough to survive for quite some time. I am ok. I calmed down. I asked the Lord and myself for forgiveness. And I thank Him (or Her?). I feel grateful. Again.

Suddenly, I really did calm down. I am ok. I know it might sounds like a mumbo jumbo but after that things started to fall into places. Got some calls. Got some possibilities (some are sure deals). And I am ok.

I am telling you. It is a mind game. It is all a mind game. Or the trilogy of body-mind-soul game. Whatever you desire to be, you just be. And among the most powerful “being” is being grateful.

If you feel your life sucks, open your eyes and look around you. Look within and do some changes. Believe me, you would not want to change places with any other person. I know I would not.

Separations, divorces

Sad but true. Every month or even week, I hear that someone is getting separated, divorced. Even some of my friends who are at the same age or even younger than I am.

They must have gone through quite an emotional roller coaster to come to such decision. Separations always leave deep scars, deeper than we realize or want to admit.

Sad but true. Or is it?

In my opinion, sometimes, most of the times, it is better that way. Some are naturally left with bitterness but they seem to be a better person after the separation.

Not that I am advising everybody to get divorced. I am sure they all saw it as a last resort. I do too. Nobody wants to get divorced. But a last resort is still an option that we can take once we see no better way to go about it.

There is a quote that I like from the book “Conversation with God”:
“If you both agree at a conscious level that the purpose of your relationship is to create opportunity, not an obligation – an opportunity for growth, for full self expression, for lifting your lives to their highest potential, for healing every false thought or small idea you ever had about you, and for ultimate reunion with Go through the communion of your two souls – if you take that vow instead of the vows you have been taking – the relationship has begun on a very good note. It is gotten off on the right foot. That is a very good beginning.”

When I read this, I thought, wow, now how many of us have thought about this as a purpose of our relationship? Have I myself ever thought of it this way, however sensible the statement seems to me?

And here the quote was just referring to starting a relationship – not even about maintaining it. A long journey that is worth taking, given the right purpose, the right partner and the right attitude.

(Friends, please take good care of your heart. We do a lot of ‘practical’ things to mend our lives from those relationships but often neglect our emotional state. And please do not see this as a ‘failure’. It takes guts and honesty to make such decision. Love you.)

A change of mind, a change of mine

I have always thought of myself as an open-minded person. I also thought that I am a strong supporter of appreciating other people’s religion. I said that I respect all religions and (I thought) treat all religions with the same respect.

That was, until about two years ago, a dear friend, whom I somehow always think of as my big sister, asked me: “If your child tells you that he/she want to switch religion, will you accept it?” I told her, at that time: no. Does this imply that I do not treat all religions with the same respect? Does this mean I contradict myself?

A couple of days ago, I SMS-ed her. I reminded her of her question. I reminded her what my answer was. And I said: I would like to change my answer. I am ready to change my answer.

Her response was so touching for me. Loosely and partly translated: Now you understand that the task of the parents is only to open the way – to initiate the child to start seeing, to start walking. The (end) decision is really up to the individual.

Thanks, sis. Sorry it took so long for me to learn it.

The richest people in the world

I was listening to Quraish Shihab, an Indonesian Moslem preacher, the other day. He talked about fasting and the beautiful names of God.

He said that during the fast, Moslems try to mimic God’s characters. One in particular that he mentioned was, in Arabic, Al ghani al mughni – The Rich The Enriching One.

What interested me most was when he referred Al Ghazali and said that the definition of rich here does not refer to having the most money in the world. Rich here is the feeling that we do not need anything more.

In Ghazali’s exact term (as exact as translation may be): the really rich (man) is the one who does not need anyone at all. The one who has no need for anything except God Most High.

This may be way out of our league, so I shall settle with the definition of feeling fulfilled, feeling grateful of what we have. It is all in the state of mind (or rather, heart). And it does not stop there. Now that we have enough, it is time to share and to give.

A person who feels that he/she is fulfilled and thus start giving continuously – Does that not sound like the richest people in the world to you?

So vain

This thought has actually crossed my mind several times. I only decide to write it now though. Finally. A hard headed high pride person such as I – you have got to hit my head more than once for me to get what you are saying. Or rather, to accept it.

First occurrence.

Meeting a new friend, a fellow traveler who has traveled longer than I am. She gave me her e-mail and blog address. I could not refrain from giving her mine.

Hers was simpler – a smart playful modification of her name. Mine was and still is “a pilgrim for life”. I felt embarrassed as I was writing it. It crossed my mind whether mine should have been humbler, simpler, and neutral. Who am I to claim that I am a pilgrim for life or even to proclaim and to announce it to the world? Show off! But time passed by. I let it pass.

Second occurrence.

A comment from stranger in the blog. He (I presume it was a he) left a link to his blog. I clicked the link and found that his was even more amazing than my first story – he did not even reveal his identity. He has poured all those great thoughts in his blog yet managed to stay anonymous. He seems to understand very well that it is the writings, the messages that are important whereas the writer can stay at the back seat or out of the car at all. I felt more embarrassed.

I thought about changing the name of the blog. But at the end I decided that I would keep the name, at least for the time being. To remind me of how vain I am. To remind me I still have a lot of pride in me. I still have a long way to go.

I traveled back in time and re-read a passage that was sent to me once by another friend. She said: “The process of self purification (nafí) continues side-by-side with everyday responsibilities, rather than as with some traditions (tariqah), whose practices often constitute no more than removal from one cultural context to another."

The passage continued, "A change in outward form does not necessarily mean inner change, so unless there is a specific reason for doing so, the public wearing of distinctive clothes, the eating of special foods, or adoption of alien customs, is avoided."

She added that this is one way which genuine Sufi groups can be marked out from pseudo-ones, who show by their desire to stand out from the crowd, an attachment to ego, rather than a lack of it.

Agree. Yet here I am still using huge name such as "a pilgrim for life" for my blog. Geez. Talk about standing out from the crowd. Oh well.

Thank you, friends. Thank you, strangers.

Showing my color

Proudly wearing my nationality on my sleeve :) The flag of Indonesia. Celebrating the 61st anniversary of its independence. The rest of my comment, see this.

Hi, how are you?

I wrote in my yahoo messenger to a friend, trying to make a conversation. She did not reply. Apparently it was a ‘zombie’ – where the user seems online but he or she is not.

Oh well. Then the next morning she buzzed me. What’s up, she asked. Nothing, I said, just wanted to know how you were. Does anything have to be up? I did not know that I need a reason to call a friend other than just want to know how he or she is.

The previous time was even worse. When I called up another friend to say hi, she asked how she could help me. She said in this modern world, when people called up other people, where was always something. People are just too busy to call for a chat and nothing else.

Sad but there is some truth in it. This so-called modern society has gotten into a strictly business stop-wasting-my-time-if-you-have-nothing-to-say mode, full of vested interest. Ck, no, I should not be this skeptic.

A reminder of how all great leaders of religions have always advised the importance of maintaining bonds among friends and neighbors, of the beauty of smile and of the simple gesture of greetings.

Can we do that? Smile to other people. Say hi to friends. Greet the janitors or security guards or whomever you pass by. Say thank you for every little favor a person has done for us. Can we?

- Aah, this reminds me of your Smile campaign, Ai :) -

The mouse is in the house!

Literally. Even ‘worse’, there was a mouse in my room last night. Yuck, you say. Yeah, part of the consequence of living in a tropical country, having your room next to a garden, and opening your window at night.

I could not sleep. The thought of there was a mouse that might suddenly jump over me did bother me. Then my mind started to wonder.

I was thinking what if the mouse gets into my open suitcase – which was just lying on the floor half-packed for tomorrow. Perhaps I should zip it. Then I thought well, on the other side of the room lied my mom’s suitcase. Will it be too selfish of me to just zip my suitcase only and not hers?

The mind shifted to dear old Mom. I recited a prayer for her. And Dad.

My thoughts then went to the people who had to live with mouse etc in their houses – perhaps those who live in the refugee camps or slump areas. Mouse bites are very dangerous to children yet they can do very little about it.

I started to do my invocation (or dzikr in Arabic).

Poor little mouse, I thought. It was just trying to find its way out of my room. It too was afraid of the situation and perhaps was panicking. It did not mean any harm. We are all just trying to survive and live our lives.

I was calming down. I continued my invocation. The mouse found its way out of the room through the same window it went in from. My room was once again in total silence. My mind was at peace.

It is amazing what thoughts a little mouse can trigger. Perhaps God was running out of options on how to wake me up in the middle of the night for a chat.

Family death

In this last two weeks, I have attended two funerals. Two uncles of mine have passed away, one of lung cancer and the other of diabetes. May they rest in peace. Kind people.

In addition to feeling sad, I am always amazed how funerals can get all the family, relatives and friends together. They always manage to work hand in hand to ensure that the deceased has a proper burial. In less than 24 hours, we get all things done – efficiently and solemnly. Why cannot we do the same for other family get-together events such as weddings or birthdays?

They said attending funerals is one way to remind us of our own death. Imagine how we feel when we see our own body lies there. Imagine how we feel when they put our body into the coffin. Imagine how we feel to see our loved ones cried over us. Imagine the kind of things that we have not done or said to our family. Imagine what will happen after the burial has finished and we are left alone. What will happen after that?

To me, funerals always reminds me of my late father. It reminds me of how I too will part with my own immediate family, sooner or later - not sure whether it will be sooner or later, unsure whether I will go first or last. It makes me think –

Death also brings about many questions. Have I done all the things that I want to do or is there still anything that I will regret the day I die? Have I lived the way I am supposed to live? What will happen after we die? Will we go to heaven or hell? Is there heaven or hell? Will we reincarnate or is this the only life we have? Can the dead really visit the living? Will we meet those who have died earlier? Will we see the angels and the Big Guy?

My late uncles were good people. May they rest in peace. May we all have peace, even before we die.

Two more questions: Are we ready to die now? Why are people so afraid of dying?

What's God?

Several months ago, a friend and I were having a conversation - you know, the usual conversation about spirituality, religion, God, etc. Suddenly my friend asked, "What's God?". I was struck dumb for a second. Then I said, "To explain God with words will be to undermine Him.".

I don't know why I answered the question that way. It came out, just like that.

It was several months ago but if you ask me again that very question, I will stand by my previous answer: "To explain the very definition of God with words will be to undermine Him."

A determined soul

I have just expressed my admiration to the Ehret High School Basketball team, which has just won an ESPY awards, in my other blog Chipping in.

Their effort reminded me of a Poem by Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1850-1919), an American poet, writer and, as her admirers put it, a free thinker. The Poem titled "Will" goes like this:

There is no chance, no destiny, no fate
Can circumvent, or hinder, or control
The firm resolve of a determined soul.

Gifts count for nothing; will alone is great;

All things give way before it soon or late.
What obstacle can stay the mighty force
Of the sea-seeking river in its course,

Or cause the ascending orb of day to wait?
Each well-born soul must win what it deserves.

Let the fool prate of luck. The fortunate
Is he whose earnest purpose never swerves,
Whose slightest action or inaction serves
The one great aim.

Why, even Death stands still
And waits an hour sometimes for such a will.

Beautiful people

My uncle has been hospitalized for the last month. He is divorced and he lives with his small kids from his second marriage. So he is very independent in taking care of himself and the kids on a daily basis – which is a challenge when he is in hospital. Then along came these wonderful people:

His daughter from his first marriage – adding her father to a million errands that are already on her list.

His sister (a.k.a my aunt) – all the way from another city. She goes back and forth to take care of him.

His nephew (a.k.a my cousin) – He is a doctor who specializes in public health. A truly social person. He often has to fly in and out of Jakarta to help people in need (and believe me, there are a lot in Indonesia). When he is in Jakarta, he visits my uncle and tends to his needs. When he is about to leave town, he calls my mom or brother to make sure that everything will be taken care of. He visits the hospital the day he returns to Jakarta.

His sister in law (a.k.a. my dear mom) – Honestly, she is an amazing woman. She takes care of a lot of things. She takes in the small children. She visits or sends someone to visit him everyday. She thinks about his needs – medicine, clean clothes, milk, etc.

His nieces and nephews (a.k.a my brothers and sisters) – I think it is more because we cannot let Mom be in this alone. But it ends well – they lend a hand whenever it is needed, especially whenever it gets too much for Mom.

I will not hide the fact that there are a lot of unnecessary complications and hesitant people during this process. But I decided to focus on the beautiful people I have mentioned above.

As long as there are these beautiful people in this world, there is hope.

Sub blog: Chipping in

I have decided to make another blog, well one type of blog in two versions: the English and Indonesian site of Chipping In.

This is how I want to divide my writings (I did wonder whether you really care enough to read this, but what the heck, it is my blog)

The pilgrim for life – This one. The usual stuffs. Whatever comes to mind that I want to share with you. Very personal. The results of some of the everyday struggle of my poor overworked brain and heart. The kind of things that might make people wonder, “Why do you complicate your life with such thoughts and wonders?” or “Why do you need to question every single thing in life?”. Happened before.

Chipping in – A more practical site. (My definition of practical). All the incidents (or catastrophes), ideas and actions that grab my attention or cross my mind and support the idea of making the world a better place. (Sorry to be a bit idealistic. Um, on second thought, no, I am not so sorry.) Mind you, I might focus on my own country Indonesia.

This will also include all the actions that either high profile people or everyday heroes do that strike me as extraordinary – positively and negatively speaking.

I will put my own raw thoughts that might need some more cooking – and here is where I would appreciate any of you to chip in.

Seuluran tangan - The Indonesian version of chipping in. I could not make up my mind whether I should write in Indonesian or English. So I just do both. And I still do not know how to make categories in a blog. So I make to separate ones.

My Nepal and Tibet trip – obvious. Need I say more?

Thanks for visiting, for reading and especially for caring.

Another precious moment

A different interpretation of "precious moment" in my book: the time I spend with my beloved family.



A Kodak moment, you might say. Taken last weekend at Puncak Pass resort, West Java.

Precious moments

I have just realized something
I cannot remember when was the last time we spoke with each other
I miss that. Precious moments

Those nights
In the early hours
When there were just the two of us and nobody else
Precious moments. I miss that

Those nights
When I told you whatever was on my mind
When you showered me with all the love and wisdom
There were no more secrets. Only simple peace

There were a lot of words and silence
Occasional smiles and tears
Pure love and hurts
How can the twos be put side by side?

It does not seem fair, I know
I do all the taking while you do all the giving
Yet you never seem to mind
You just keep on giving. And loving
Can I ever be like you?
Can I be you? Or is this a statement too bold to make?

Those nights
When I could really feel you beside me
I was about to say 'in me'
but people might misunderstood our relationship

But 'within me' is actually the more correct term
You were closer than my own veins
As you promised in one of your letters
Precious moments. I miss that

I wondered why I felt so restless
Where was the peace that I thought I have found once?
I have my friends and family around me
I am at home. I have all the things that might make people envious
I am lucky, I am fully aware of that. And I am grateful for that
Yet I felt heavy inside – I am confused

I wanted to blame the chaotic environment around me
But I know I could not
If there is somebody to blame, it would be me

Even then you would say there is nobody to blame
It is a process I have to go through
To realize that there is no higher love than yours
To know there is nowhere I would rather be than to be with you
Only by remembering you, that I can feel peace

I know I should not just count on only those nights
I should be able to feel that peace each second of my life
As I know you are there every step of the way
I am not there yet, it is a process I need to go through
For the time being, I will hold on to those nights

But those nights were a long time ago
Those nights when we had our long conversation
In the early hours
Just the two of us

I want to feel that intimacy again
When I can share whatever is on my mind
When you shower me with all the love and wisdom

When there are no more secrets, no more pride
Pure honesty, pure love, and hurts
Precious moments. I miss that.

I have so many things to share with you
Perhaps we should meet. Tonight?

A message from the water

I went to a seminar on the true power of (hexagonal) water. The seminar discussed about the hexagonal water crystal based on the research of Doctor Masaru Emoto and how simple words or wishes can change the structure of water. Hexagonal is supposed to be the most useful or absorbable structure of water for human body. (Do forgive me if I make any technical mistakes).

Emoto-san, which was the main speaker in the seminar, showed all sorts of shapes of water crystals that had been labeled or called by positive and negative names. The word vibrates and affects the water. It changed the water structure one molecule at a time. The water affects whatever is around it. The domino effect does its thing again. All positive words have created beautiful hexagonal crystal that keeps growing. It was amazing.

Whether you believe it or not, it is entirely up to you. But let us say it is true. If small things like labeling or calling something can change the structure of the water, imagine what happens to us and to our body when somebody call us with bad names - bearing in mind that at least 70% of our body consists of water (baby 98%, children 80%). What will happen if we keep on saying bad things - to others and to ourselves? We are destroying our own selves. Vice versa, if we say good things.

To me, the seminar serves at least as a reminder of how even the smallest things can make or break someone – our friends, our family, our partner, our children, ourselves. It was a good reminder.

So I supposed what the Professor was saying was correct. He cleverly titled his presentation “A message from the water”. It was an important message indeed: one that advises us to love others and ourselves through simple means of positive thoughts, words and attitudes. Thank you.

PS: Warmest regards to all my new friends whom I met in the seminar. You do not realize how meeting you has reminded me how ‘green’ I am in the field of seeking oneself, how I have yet so much to learn, and how I am nothing compared to other people. I have nothing to be proud of. I have everything to feel blessed for.