Friendship - 2

Well, I also had another rather opposing experience with another friend. I would not write the details of the recent incident out of my respect to that friend. (Let’s use plural, those friends, to refrain ourselves from using gender-revealing third person single pronouns)

Suffice to say that they did something that went against my definition of friendship or relationship, again and again, and again. Yet I still consider them as friends. In fact, I still consider them as my closest friends. But I used to be not without emotions. I used to be offended when these things happened. I used to ’accept’ but still grumbled.

But when that particular unfortunate incident reoccurred this very last week, I felt fine. I was truly okay. They ‘mistreated’ me but I was okay. They can do as they pleased but to me life goes on. I just moved on to the next thing to do.

And I still consider them as friends - more than ever - and wish them well. I still care for them deeply but I am letting go of my expectations on them. They will return when they want to return, when they need to return.

I am letting them be. I am letting me be. I am letting us be. And move on to whatever thing that is in front of me right now. Enjoying what I have. I did not realize how much easier life can be with such attitude.

That night after the incident, I did my prayer. I felt fine. I told God about my experience. I told Him I felt fine and recited a prayer for that friend. I felt God was smiling and nodding at me. I smiled back. It was a beautiful feeling.

I know I still have not graduated from the school of emotion. But thanks for that smile and the nod, God. It makes me feel I am going in the right direction. Hey, even God makes those small gestures to nurture the friendship.

Friendship

Friendship is indeed one of the most valuable experiences I have had this Idul Fitri. I sent out SMS and e-mail to quite a number of people – many of which I have not met or even talked to for some time.

I have many surprising responses from old friends and acquaintances – short but nevertheless sweet. It was a beautiful experience to receive those responses, to get reacquainted once again.

It reminded me a of quote that a friend of mine Philip wrote in his blog as he was remembering a late friend of his whose departure was so soon and sudden.

He said, “As time goes by, I find the reason for my deep grief. Dicky always took time to greet me, here in my weblog or through emails. He dropped me a line or two, posted comments on my blog or sent emails."

Philip then added, "Such a ‘little thing’ I realize now is important in every relationship. Dicky showed me the true meaning of ‘care’. Email, SMS, a buzz on Yahoo messenger, comments on weblog, are meaningful in nurturing friendship.”

He is right. Those small gestures are meaningful in nurturing friendship. Thanks for sharing, pal.

Happy Eid Mubarak 1427H

Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, reported:

A person came to Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) and said: Who among the people is most deserving my companionship (of a kind treatment from me?) He said: Your mother. He, again, said: Then who (is the next one)? He said: It is your mother (who deserves the best treatment from you). He said: Then who (is the next one)? He (the Holy Prophet) said: It is your mother. He (again) said: Then who? Thereupon he (The Prophet (peace be upon him)) said: It is your father.

Hadith number in Sahih Muslim [Arabic only]: 4621

Happy Eid Mubarak 1427H

May we all be among those who are able to open our eyes and heart to first and foremost be true to ourselves.

Warmest regards to your mom and dad. Tell them they've done one hell of a good job bringing you up.

Just like the roots of a mangrove tree

A friend was telling me in her e-mail, "I saw a mangrove tree at the Botanic Garden and was reminded of the mangroves we saw at the Singapore Botanic Garden. Those are the trees that drop roots from the branches so they grow both up to the sky and down into the ground. Do you remember them?"

I told her I love the way she described how the roots of mangrove drop from the branches - "so they grow both up to the sky and down into the ground".

It sounds very much like what we humans are supposed to do as well - to grow both up to the sky and down into the ground.

Too much of a coincidence

I visited a funeral of a dear friend’s father today. It was Sunday morning and yet it took me about an hour to get there. I had not slept well the night before. But I did not care. I ‘had to’ go. I needed to go. It was too much of a coincidence. And I shall tell you why.

She was a student of mine about three years ago. We kept in touch once in a while but never really got to talk. She joined my client’s company just when I was about to start my sabbatical. So we never really got a chance to work together either.

About three weeks ago, I was meeting that ex-client of mine (her supervisor) for lunch and there she was in the same restaurant. We sat together - she, my client, another friend and I - and we had a good laugh. I promised her that we would have our own coffee.

And we did. We met last Wednesday evening. We had a good long conversation over dinner and coffee –about everything and about nothing. I enjoyed every minute of it. (I really did, Rin, I did not even need to try or to pretend ;)) Such a lovely loving person.

Last night I came home at about midnight and I could not sleep. I did my prayer. During which I received her SMS. Her father passed away due to sudden heart attack.

Now tell me I did not need to go the funeral – after all the recent series of unexpected encounters. It was too much of a coincidence.

So I went there this morning. I learned that her father was a great man, judging by the strong positive impressions that I gathered from people who attended the funeral.

Her father just arrived from a social project trip last night, broke the fast at home, did his night prayer and felt unwell. He went to the hospital. And the rest is history.

Such a peaceful parting process in the last week of the holy month of Ramadhan. He must have been an extraordinary man.

I met my friend briefly – there were so many people –, said my prayer and expressed my condolences. Then I went home.

I am not sure what to make of this. I am still unsure why we need to meet after all this time. And why now? What can I do for her? What can I learn from her? I am still unsure. I know there is something. There has got to be something. This is too much of a coincidence.

Stay strong. Your father is in good hands. And so are you.

"Tak perlu memiliki"

Apology to the non-Indonesian readers, this time it is an Indonesian song, sung by Rida Sita Dewi. The lyrics is so beautiful and can be interpreted in various ways. Just like every other thing in life. No right or wrong. Just different. Just varies.

I have my own interpretation - I have more than one. And I dedicate this to you. To You. Thanks.

Dingin bayu tak menjadikan 'ku ragu
Kedamaian t’lah lama ada di kalbu
Walau ‘ku melangkah sendiri, jiwaku tak sepi
Kudapat apa yang kucari dan tak harus kumiliki

Rinduku mencair dalam rintik air
Bagai selimut kaca yang menemani tidurmu
Kasih, kubicara dalam sunyi senja
Hadirku tanpa kata, tanpa satu rahasia lagi

Ketulusan tak pernah berjejak pinta
Janji fana, manis kata dunia, semua akan berlalu
Sepi yang mereka sangka sebuah siksa
Hampa yang mereka duga akhir segala-galanya

Rinduku mencair dalam rintik air
Bagai selimut kaca yang menemani tidurmu
Kasih, kubicara dalam sunyi senja
Hadirku tanpa kata, tanpa satu rahasia

Apa yang kausebut sejati, jadi milikmu kini
Karena apa yang kaucari, tak perlu kaumiliki

Sekeping damai surga yang hadir di jiwa
Jadi milikku selama dengan mencintaimu

Rinduku mencair dalam rintik air
Bagai selimut kaca yang menemani tidurmu
Kasih, kubicara dalam sunyi senja
Hadirku tanpa kata, tanpa satu rahasia

Cintaku mengalir tak akan berakhir
Tak perlu kaumengerti arti ketulusan ini
Cintaku mengalir tak akan berakhir
Tak perlu kaupahami arti keyakinan ini

Arti ketulusan ini, arti keyakinan ini

"For mom, dad and my little sisters.."

The conversation happened the other day when my sister visited a doctor with her nine years old daughter.

The doctor was looking at my niece when suddenly he asked her, “Do you often recite al-fatihah (the first surah in Al Qur’an which is said to be the mother of all surah)?”

She said. “Yes.”

He asked again, “for whom?”

To which my niece innocently and casually answered, “For mom, dad and my younger sisters.”

Ooowh. And I suddenly felt like the most egocentric person in the whole earth. When was the last time I did that? She does it all the time and I cannot remember when was the last time I recite a surah for other people.

The doctor turned his head to my sister and said, "You know, if and when you go to heaven, it will be because of your daughter and her prayer for you."

Tell me, when was the last time you recite a verse from the quran, the bible or whatever for your mom and dad? When was the last time you pray for them?

Program anak asuh

Friends, this is a program that is organized by a dear friend of mine, Gantina, to help ensure needy children can enjoy their education. It is a small and personal project worth supporting. Anybody who wants to participate in the program can e-mail me and I shall provide her details.

Apology to non-Indonesian readers for the proposal is in Indonesian.



Additional note from Gantina:

kami memberikan laporan kegiatan via email secara berkala:
- per bulan,
- per semester dan
- per tahun.
Detil jenis laporan tercantum di dalam proposal slide.

Ttg seleksi anak asuh, sampai saat ini metodenya masih seperti ini:
1. Sosialisasi program ke sekolah2 (Okt '06 - Feb '07)
2. Kandidat mengisi & mengembalikan formulir pendaftaran (Feb-Mar '07)
3. Seleksi administrasi & interview (Apr - Mei '07)
4. Pengumuman hasil (Mei - Jun '07)

Syarat administrasi umum:
1. Muslim
2. Dari keluarga tidak mampu
3. Prestasi akademik baik (minimal 7.0 selama 1 tahun)

Tentang memilih anak asuh
Untuk sementara ini pemilihan anak asuh yang diterima berdasarkan jumlah konfirmasi dana yang dari pihak donatur untuk suatu tahun ajaran.
Jadi kita dapet konfirmasi dulu budgetnya, baru cari anaknya.

So far kita udah dapet konfirmasi untuk 12 orang anak.
Jadi mungkin untuk saringan ke-1 akan kita ambil 20-25 anak untuk ikut interview.
Kalo mau milih anak bisa setelah ada hasil interview (sekitar bulan april 2007).

Untuk tahun ajaran depan sih udah sekitar 30-an anak yang menyatakan keinginkan untuk mendaftar (tingkat SD-SMP). Dan kemungkinan masih akan bertambah karena kita sosialisai sampe Februari 2007.

Mudah2an bisa dimengerti. Tapi kalo mau tanya lebih lanjut juga bisa hub aku langsung kok.

salam
Gantina


Start doing something. Anything.

Losing my profession

A slight modification of REM’s losing my religion – which I sometimes think I have lost several times in my life

If you really know me in person these days, you might be one of those persons who wonders “So what does she do anyway nowadays? What is her actual profession?”

I told my friend earlier today as I was sending her my notes on the religious discussion I attended: “I think I have lost my profession. I am not sure what it is anymore.”

Her answer could not have been better, “I thought your profession was (to be) “a happy person”. Stay “a happy person”-lah. It is the best profession in the world!”

She is right. I forgot. Thank you, Ta, for the reminder. A good friend.

I supposed Quraish Shihab was right when he said environment (friends) is the most important thing. It is my environment/friends who make me or break me, who has made me what I am today. Thank you, friends.

- Gee, this is so in line with your interpretation on my description of that box and stairs in the desert, Ta (This is another 'Ta’). Without the dates (kurma) tree, of course. I do believe it is the people around me that have made me what I am today. Spot on, girlfriend. -

A happy person

I had the nicest introduction from a friend yesterday.

I went to her office and met some of her colleagues. “Eva,” she said, “this is so and so the managing director, this is so and so the account director and this is so and so who is a manager here.”

“And this is Eva,” she continued. “She used to work for such and such and such and such PR consultancies, and she is now..”

She paused for a bit before she added, “a happy person.”

We laughed. But I really like that. The only definition of me that she could come up with was ‘a happy person’. I like that. Thank you. I could not have said it better myself.

So sorry

I had a dream two nights ago. A dream that set my mood yesterday – although nobody noticed (except the two friends whom I (always) confide in – my dear old personal ‘trash can’).

In the dream, I was having a good time. I chatted. I laughed. I remember feeling happy. Somebody hugged me from behind, as a friend. I thought it was that person whom I am quite close at the moment.

I continued being happy and having a goodtime. Until that person passed in front of me. So, I thought, who was it that has hugged me from behind?

I turned around. It was you. You looked sad. You are sad – in the dream and I know for certain in real life as well.

We used to be close friends. I used to be there for you and you for me. You are still there for me but I am not anymore. You are going through the toughest times of your life. You have told me your stories. Yet I have chosen not to be part of it. I have chosen to avoid being there for you.

I am so sorry. I am so selfish. I am so sorry. I woke up. The dream was a wake up call.

The following morning, I opened my computer and logged in to my yahoo account. First priority was to say hi to you. To ask how you are doing. Buzz.

You were unwell. You were restless. Your world has been turned upside down. And I chose not to be there for you. Hope it is not too late for me to once again be a friend to you.

Happy birthday

To one of the most loving and lovable friends I know.
Wishing you the best God can ever give to you, or anyone. Always.

Pic: Those two personal angels of yours

Travel note: Umroh

Last week I took a one-week trip to Mecca and Medinah in Saudi Arabia to do what the Moslem called Umroh. Coincidently, I went at the start of fasting month of Ramadhan. There are so many things I want to share with you, but I have to choose. Otherwise, I will bore you to death with the details.

The word “umroh” means “to enrich one’s soul”. Every single ritual we do during Umroh is full of symbols that lead to enriching our soul. So there I was. Trying to enrich my soul. To find the peace that is often lost in the midst of my everyday life. To rediscover my faith. To talk to God. To talk WITH God.

I brought my usual prayer book. But without meaning to be arrogant, I found that it was more suitable for me to just say what I want to say with no help from any book. Just say it with my own words, from the bottom of my heart, directly to Him, as frequently as I can.

The most solemn times were the middle of the nights where I walked around ka’bah by myself. I did not even have any specific prayer or wishes, except to communicate with God, to renew my promise to always be in His Godly environment, and if I may, to be one with God. I did not have a specific prayer. I did not have to. He knows.

And how I love being there during the fasting month of Ramadhan. You should see how packed the mosques were at any time of the day. You should see how people sitting side by side regardless of their socio-economic status or their origins.

You should see how people gather to break their fast, and they always bring more food than they need – to share with others. I came to the mosque with nothing but water and I ended up with a handful of dates, yogurt, Arabic coffee and a huge chunk of bread. How beautiful is the spirit of sharing. Love it to bits.

Of course, there are still a lot to be learned. I still need to find my balance. Compared to other people, I shopped less and I have very few interests in the city tours that we did or with the lengthened chitchat. I just wanted to focus on my prayers and invocations. I was worried whether my comfort with being alone with God was getting too far.

I also have lost my temper a couple of times. I still could not stand people being too laid back about schedule and appointments – I find it disrespectful to other people. I still could not hold myself from protesting of whatever I think is unfair or unprofessional (based on my perfectionist standard).

But all in all, it was truly a worthwhile experience. This was the third time I went to Mecca. This time it does feel different. A friend whom I met during the umroh asked whether I have found what I came for. I would gladly say yes. Now I need to keep my promise to God: to always be in His Godly environment.

Thank you God, for everything, for always. You are indeed very kind.

PS: I traveled with Quraish Shihab and took some short notes of his speech. Those of you who want to read the note, please e-mail me so that I can e-mail it to you.