Oh well

Yesterday I went to an introductory class of Zen. I was so late but I still wanted to go for some reasons unknown even to me. The lesson from the class that sticks to my mind most is: for whatever things that happen in life, relax, accept it and you will see things from a different light.

Well, what do you know.. Today was the practice session. It has been a strange day. Nothing has gone according to plan yet I do not mind. I said ‘oh well’ a lot today. I shrug my shoulders and went about doing other things.

I woke up and my ‘family’ here has gone to work. Oh well. We did not have hot water but I needed to wash my hair. Oh well. My friend and I were supposed to go to another town but we cancelled it because the weather was not good. Oh well. We were supposed to meet for coffee but she needed to work until late. Oh well.

I went to a café near my school, but I could only sat there for a little while because they were closing. Oh well. I went to an Internet café and even there my notebook could not connect to the network. Oh well. I went to another Internet café. I checked my e-mail but there were no new e-mails. Oh well.

I SMS-ed two other friends but they were out of town. Oh well. Another friend actually called to ask if I wanted to meet, yet here, I said no. Oh well. I wanted to stop by a fast food restaurant for a quick meal but they were all full. Oh well. I came home and my family was still out. I was alone in the house. Oh well.

Yet, today I felt much more peaceful and relaxed than these last few days, or even weeks. I sat down at a café and read Rumi’s Divani Shams, I shed a tear and somehow I felt relieved. I walked around the town – which I will leave in the next two weeks – and I could feel its beauty. I went into a church just to sit down and to stay silence. Again I shed a tear.

I went home and wrote this piece. I shed another tear. It is like someone was saying to me: “Now, have you got it? Relax, accept things as they are, and let life takes its own course. Life will take care of everything for you.” I have learned my lesson for the day. I am in peace with myself. I can feel it within me.

Now I understand what my friend meant when she said, "the next time you pray, dzikir or meditate, try to see yourself. Try to enter to your innerself instead of going out. Control your anxiety." It is all in us. When we search within, we shall find ourselves. And when we find ourselves, we shall find God.