Thank you Lord for my family

Earlier today, all my brothers and sisters went to another town. I cannot remember when was the last time we went out of town together. I was not there unfortunately but a little bird (there are many little birds in my family) has told me how it went.

They chatted. They laughed. They played jokes among them. They told stories, private stories. They were very relaxed and open. Just like how bothers and sisters should be. I was not there but I smiled as I read the story. I can feel the happiness. I can feel the warmth. I can feel the love. I feel happy.

Added that with my 11 nephews and nieces, and my parents, and my cat, and my closed friends. I have to admit, I am looking forward to go home. I am so lucky to have such a home.

Thank you Lord for such a simple yet profound happiness.

Twisted words, yes, I still hate them

I shall try to tell you a story without revealing the incidence. Suffice to say, I have been blamed for something that I have not done.

A friend (A – let us say, a her) has used me as an excuse when another friend (B - him) asked her why she has chosen X over Y: “because Eva has told me such and such”. Something that had nothing to do with me (anymore). What a meddling bitch I am, if I were to do it.

Luckily, B was kind enough to reconfirm it with me. I felt that my words were taken out of the context. Firstly, I might have said it a long time ago that it should have become obsolete information. My friend A, I believe, should be intelligent enough to know this. Secondly, that was not the whole thing that I said. I said, “such and such but of course you can give X a try. It would do you no harm.”

I know I am vague here but I hope you get the gist. My first reaction when I heard this was, well, certain swear words came to mind (and mouth). Then I calmed down, and explained what happened to B. B was kind enough to understand. We have been friends for a long time.

I was amazed by my emotion (blame the monthly female period for this). I thought I have calmed down but this incidence is just small reminder that I still have a lot to learn. It was also a reminder of what awaits me when I return ‘to the real world’ or when I come out of my sabbatical period.

Twisted words - how dangerous can they be. How should one respond to that? Should we defend ourselves whenever this ‘attack’ crops up? It can be very tiring. But if we do not respond, will that damage our name? Should we care?

No wonder the Prophet (may God bless him and grant him peace) once said that one of the things we need to be careful with is that we have between our ears (i.e. our mouth). No wonder that more than half of the 10 legacies of Hasan Al-Banna focused on verbal communications. No wonder that the great Al Ghazali has dedicated a whole book on “the evil of the tongue”. Twisted words - how dangerous can they be.

PS: Mind you, I may not be free from that myself, unfortunately. I am still learning.

The painting competition

An old story worth reiterating.

Once upon a time the Chinese having challenged the Greeks to a trial of skill in painting, the Sultan summoned them both into edifices built for the purpose directly facing each other, and commanded them to show proof of their art. The painters of the two nations immediately applied themselves with diligence to their work.

The Chinese sought and obtained of the king every day a great quantity of colours, but the Greeks not the least particle. Both worked in profound silence, until the clangor of cymbals and of trumpets, announced the end of their labours.

Immediately the king, with his courtiers, hastened to their temple, and there stood amazed at the wonderful splendour of the Chinese painting and the exquisite beauty of the colours.

But meanwhile the Greeks, who had not sought to adorn the walls with paints, but laboured rather to erase every colour, drew aside the veil which concealed their work. Then, wonderful to tell, the manifold variety of the Chinese colours was seen still more delicately and beautifully reflected from the walls of the Grecian temple, as it stood illuminated by the rays of the midday sun."

This parable, of course, illustrates the favourite Sufi tenet that the heart must be kept pure and calm as an unspotted mirror.

Taken from Al Ghazali’s Ihya. Oh, how I miss reading your books.

Karma, reincarnation and the Ultimate Divine

Three things that we need to keep in mind, if we do not want to be bothered with the complexity of any religion. It is too complex for me to explain these concepts comprehensively and I may not be the right person to do so. But let me say this:

We are all connected. We are part of the world. We are part of the Ultimate Divine. In each of us lies the God within, but we are not God. We are still mere human but we have a spark of God within us.

All religions hint this – mostly implicitly. But many so called religious people or organizations got bogged down in the literal meaning of the words in their bibles, in the details of prayers and processions, and in determining who is right or wrong. The teaching, which should have led us to peace and wisdom, has turned us into beings of hatred and prejudice instead. How sad is that. No wonder many turns their back on religions.

Let us return to our original discussion. Each of us is striving to be better, to reach a better state of being. It is a long journey. That is why we need several lives to achieve it - hence, the need for reincarnation.

Each life is meant to be a step closer to the state of bliss, whose destination is solely to be one with the Truth, the Ultimate Divine, God, whatever we want to call it. This can only be reached through altruism, where we do everything selfishly for the betterment of humanity, without any desire to be recognized or appreciated. Yes, complex, but possible.

If you cannot accept the concept above, at least accept the Law of Karma: what goes around, comes around. Whatever we do, good or bad, will affect our future. At least this would make us more careful and would hinder us from hurting other beings. Karma is nature’s way of keeping the world in equilibrium – the basic physics concept of action and reaction.

No such thing as bad karma. All karmas are meant to be a way to improve a person. As an Indonesian named Aa Gym used to say: it does not matter what happens to you, what matters is how you respond to it, and that you come out a better person.

Again, not easy but it is possible. "All" we need to do is to just keep walking -- to focus on what is there in front of us, to not worry too much about our future -- and to listen to our heart always. Do not let your mind get in your way.

You do not need to believe every single word I say. To each, his own understanding and journey. The only ‘person’ that we need to listen to is ourselves within – our own heart, the God within us.

If we think it makes sense, then we can accept it as an addition to our knowledge and wisdom. If not, then we are free to leave it be, but please honor the differences – perhaps it is not time for us to accept it yet, or perhaps that person might be wrong. Let it be. To each his own understanding and journey.

As my friend, who studied theology, once said: “perhaps all religions as we know them are right. Or perhaps they are all just bullocks. We do not know.” Sad, but she might be right.

Happy father’s day

To my fathers – the real McCoy and all that have been like a father to me.

My birth father passed away more than 10 years ago.

He used to tell me the same bedtime story (yes, one same story) over and over again every night when I was little. But I had never got tired of it.

When I had grown up a bit, he still treated me as a kid. I used to hate it. There was even ‘one time’ when I disliked him so much that I refused to talk to him, not even a single word. The one time lasted for about two or three years. Yet, he was patient. He knew it would pass. It did and I loved him more than ever.

He loved books and learning new things. He loved discussing, second-guessing and questioning things. He was a man of common sense and vision.

He never complained about life. He was always thankful for whatever life had given him. He was a humble man. He worked hard but he never boasted about his success or his possessions.

I remember one time I had left my jacket in the taxi. I panicked. He looked at me and said, “Let it go, let it go”. I would never forget those words. Whenever something ‘bad’ happen, I told myself to let go.

He was helpful to his friends and relatives, but straightforward as well. When he did not like something, he would gladly say it. He had many good friends. Many of which remain friends to the family until today.

He (and Mom) let me choose what I want to do from the very early age. I cannot remember when was the last time they forbid me from doing anything. They always let me decide. Some people were still wondering how they could do that.

My father was not a saint. He was not free from sins or wrongdoings. Perhaps there are many things that I do not know about him. But I love him just the same. My mom and dad are the greatest in the world.

Happy father’s day, Pop. Thank you for everything. May you find peace, love and happiness in God’s eternal land. I love you. I love you too, Mom.

“I cannot understand…”

My teacher used that phrase yesterday when she was talking about a certain group of people which was much too often accused of living an unhealthy way of life. They steal, rob, etc, or so the perception goes.

She was basically saying that she does not like, she hates, she wants to stay away, and she does not want anything to do, with them. All those could have been a very strong statement.

But she did not use those words. Instead she used the phrase “I cannot understand” – She cannot understand why those people act that way.

Nice, I think. Instead of having a final judgment, generalizing, or being direct about it, she puts the ‘blame’ on her. Like saying “It is me who cannot understand. Perhaps they have a good reason or background why they do things the way they do it, which I do not know. Perhaps if I get to know them better, I will understand better as well.”

I have heard so many times how negative people think of that group. It has (almost) become a prejudice. But when I heard she said it, it does not feel like one. She puts ‘the blame’ on her. She points the finger at her and not somebody else.

Judging a book by its cover

Let me describe a friend of mine. She is Asian. Not much taller than I am but quite skinny. She smiles a lot. When she talks, she talks with a very soft voice, like she is unsure. She speaks Spanish but it is not really perfect. She hardly speaks English. She is learning how to dance flamenco but she is not exactly there yet. Can you picture her? Honestly, she does not seem like a strong personality to me. Not at first.

(My) Lessons learned: never prejudge, never underestimate.

We had coffee last night and she started telling me her story. She has been living in Spain for one year. She came here alone without knowing how to speak a word of Spanish. She has been moving from one city to another. In each city, she searched for her own apartment without having anyone to help her. She did not know anybody but she is not afraid to make friends despite of her not-so-perfect Spanish.

She is not afraid of learning something new. She studied to be a cook. Now she is planning to move to another city in Northern Spain just to learn how to cook in a special cook school. She does not know how long she will stay here yet. She will know when enough is enough. She also needs to work for her money otherwise she will not have enough.

She said much more but this should be enough. She told the story very lightly and as always with a smile on her face. I explicitly said to her that I love her story. It sounded so strong and adventurous.

Lessons learned for me: never prejudge, never underestimate. I love people who fight for their lives in a positively persistent manner. Hats off. Proficiat.

Bored, bored, bored

Another confession: I am bored.

I am practically doing nothing during these six months in Spain except learning the language. Not that I am undermining my learning Spanish or my spiritual process. Nor am I not thankful for this blessing called life. But I used to do and am used to doing a lot more. I feel useless and meaningless. I am bored.

But when I told this to my friends, they were puzzled. There are so many things you can do, they said, such as reading, traveling, and visiting museums. Go out and enjoy yourself, they added, you have what many people can only dream of: a one-year sabbatical leave, a 365 days of being free to do whatever you want without having to go to work. What a dream comes true.

Well, thank you. But that is exactly where the problem lies. All I do are going to four-hours-a-day classes, reading, traveling and chatting with friends. There are so many wrongs in the world and yet I am sitting here doing ‘nothing’. I need something more productive, something that will lead to producing something, something that is beneficial for other people. I feel useless. I feel guilty.

I do not know. Maybe it is just me. I am incapable of ‘enjoying myself’, if I were to apply the definition of “enjoying myself” used by so many people.

Am I strange to feel so bored in the middle of this beautiful country among these beautiful people? Am I wrong to feel useless and guilty? Am I weird for not being able to ‘enjoy myself’ and wanting to return to getting busy?

Enlighten me, people.

Faith

Interesting.

The word “faith”, according to Encarta World English Dictionary, means, “belief in, devotion to, or trust in somebody or something, especially without logical proof”.

Yet, do you know that the word “faith”, comes from “pistis” of the Greeks, which means "belief based on knowledge," whether supplied by the evidence of physical or spiritual senses?

Interesting, is it not? How the meaning has evolved through times so far to being practically the contrary. So which type of faith do you subscribe to?

PS: If faith without knowledge is not really faith, does this mean that ‘blind faith’ is a contradictive term?

Me, I am a cynic as well

I was reading my writings about cynics and skeptics. My God, I am one of ‘them’, the cynics.

I was being cynical about the cynics. I was guilty of the same sin. Hence, allow me to tell you something different about the same matter.

Last week we were talking about countries in our class. At one time, we spoke about Israel. It was a controversial topic. Then, there was this friend of mine who have lived in Israel for several months. He started to tell us about his beautiful experience there, about how the Israelis where he lived had welcomed him so warmly and about their culture.

I enjoyed listening to his story, more than he realized. Is it not amazing how different your perspective about certain things can be once you get to know them better? Is it not beautiful to set aside our prejudice and to gain real understanding about it?

As Professor Alexander Wilder says in his "Introduction to the Eleusinian Mysteries," "It is ignorance which leads to profanation. Men ridicule what they do not properly understand. . . “ So true.

I loved his story. More than he realized.

Cynicsm, again

Second time with the same topic. I supposed I am really getting tired of it. People complaining, people prejudicing, people saying bad things about things they hardly know anything about.

Yet, what do they do about it? NOTHING. And are we any better than those whom we are referring to? NOT REALLY. NOT SURE. MOST PROBABLY NOT.

I have a lot of these this week. People negatively commenting on, or rather arguing about so many things. I was there but I did not want to get involved. And it is everywhere. All over the Internet and media. And back home as well. All those least-useful polemics and demonstrations. Pfffhhhh.

Honestly, knowledge-less prejudice, generalization and non-constructive criticism, add that with lack of common sense, rage, or worse, anarchism. Few things are uglier and more boring than those.

Save the voice, energy and life for something more productive and positive.

Theosophy and Blavatsky

Just when I thought I have started to have a good grasp of God and religions, along come this theosophist named Helena Petrovna Blavatsky. An excerpt from her book The Key to Theosophy:

"ENQUIRER. Theosophy and its doctrines are often referred to as a new-fangled religion. Is it a religion?

THEOSOPHIST. It is not. Theosophy is Divine Knowledge or Science.

ENQUIRER. What is the real meaning of the term?

THEOSOPHIST. "Divine Wisdom," (Theosophia) or Wisdom of the gods, as (theogonia), genealogy of the gods. The word theos means a god in Greek, one of the divine beings, certainly not "God" in the sense attached in our day to the term. Therefore, it is not "Wisdom of God," as translated by some, but Divine Wisdom such as that possessed by the gods. The term is many thousand years old."
Pause here. Deep breath. Okay? Right, another quote from the same book:

"THEOSOPHIST. The WISDOM-RELIGION was ever one, and being the last word of possible human knowledge, was, therefore, carefully preserved. It preceded by long ages the Alexandrian Theosophists, reached the modern, and will survive every other religion and philosophy.

ENQUIRER. Where and by whom was it so preserved?

THEOSOPHIST. Among Initiates of every country; among profound seekers after truth -- their disciples; and in those parts of the world where such topics have always been most valued and pursued: in India, Central Asia, and Persia.

ENQUIRER. Can you give me some proofs of its esotericism?

THEOSOPHIST. The best proof you can have of the fact is that every ancient religious, or rather philosophical, cult consisted of an esoteric or secret teaching, and an exoteric (outward public) worship. Furthermore, it is a well-known fact that the MYSTERIES of the ancients comprised with every nation the "greater" (secret) and "Lesser" (public) MYSTERIES -- e.g. in the celebrated solemnities called the Eleusinia, in Greece. From the Hierophants of Samothrace, Egypt, and the initiated Brahmins of the India of old, down to the later Hebrew Rabbis, all preserved, for fear of profanation, their real bona fide beliefs secret. The Jewish Rabbis called their secular religious series the Mercavah (the exterior body), "the vehicle," or, the covering which contains the hidden soul. -- i.e., their highest secret knowledge. Not one of the ancient nations ever imparted through its priests its real philosophical secrets to the masses, but allotted to the latter only the husks. …"

The book, of course, goes on and on, but I am pretty sure at this point, you have said, “Uh?” My comment: "Exactly". Sigh. Just at the point of when I think I know something, somebody slapped me on my head and said otherwise.

I think the book has given me a new possibility of viewing life and ‘God’. It is a very interesting view as well. Each of the religions or belief systems that exists today or in the past have a piece of puzzle which help us makes much more sense of life. But each is so cryptic as well that what we understand today perhaps is no way near to what the bible or whoever is the principle person in our religion/belief system wants to say.

I will tell you more about it when I get a better grasp of what she is saying. In the meantime you can check her out, for instance in The homepage of The Theosophical Society or a website dedicated to Helena Blavatsky. I supposed then the journey is far from over. And I am taking you along with me. All the way.

Skeptics, Cynics

I once asked my boss what the difference was between a skeptic and a cynic. I think his answer was skeptic is more objective whereas a cynic implies that there is more (negative or strong) emotion involved. Not sure whether this is the correct one.

But whatever the exact meaning is, there are so many skeptics/cynics around me nowadays. Too many. Here, I want to talk about people who are cynical about the government. I supposed it is good that they start to see that there is something wrong with something. This means they are thinking. If only they can move one step further and do something about it.

An imaginary conversation between H (him or her) and M (me).

H: Sad what has happened in our country.
M: True.
H: The problem is there are too many selfish, corrupted, greedy people in the country. [Well, or something like that. Cannot remember them exactly]
M: Yes, all that is fine. But what can you do about it?
H: what can I do? I have no power.
M: BS. If you (or us) – those who have enjoyed good education and blessed life – cannot do anything about this, then nobody can.
H: Yeah, but I do not like politics.
M: It does not have to be through politics and it does not need to go that far. You do not have to be the president. Just start small. Yourself, your company, your family, your neighborhood, anything that is immediately around you.

And that goes to all of you. To all of us – me included. To quote an Indonesian Moslem preacher Aa Gym: “start from ourselves, start small, and start now” -- A simple yet profound recommendation.

Again, being skeptics are still ok. But please do not stop at being just negative about things. If we do not like it, let us do something about it. And if we do not want to do anything, let us stop complaining. And, by the way, what makes us think that we are better than 'them' anyway?

Sorry to be so blunt. I have enough of these negativities.

Miauw

Oh how I miss my cat Miauw. Look at her – the crazy strange cat that she is.

The only things she does are sleep, eat and those two other things.

The only time she comes near you is when she is hungry or when you are sitting at her seat (and she gives a strong signal that you must leave the seat immediately as well). Otherwise she will be lying somewhere a bit far away in a strategic most comfortable sofa or bed in the house, out of your reach.

The only time she lets you touch her is when she is eating -- probably because she needs to concentrate on something (i.e. eating) more important and urgent, and cannot be bothered by just about anything else.

Yet my family loves her to bits. Now who is crazier and stranger here? Perhaps that is exactly what the cat thinks.

Success and failure

Another friend told me about her achievement at work. She was much more confident and positive than the last time I met her. Is it not wonderful how ‘success’ can build one’s confidence and, thus, character?

Unfortunately, the fact is, it is ‘failure’ that can truly build one’s character. When somebody experiences failure and comes out stronger, then, only then, (s)he has really succeeded in building his/her character.

Strange – if you fail and you come out strong, then you succeed. So, does it mean you fail or succeed? Or both?

There is hope for the pessimists. -- But then again, a true pessimist does not have hopes.. Hmm. (I must give up this game of playing with words)

Sometimes I am better than I think I am

But most of the time, I often THINK I am better than I really am.

- Just playing with words. Apology to all the optimists in the world -

Where is home?

This is a quote from my online chat with an Indonesian friend. She has been living abroad for so long. She did not like Jakarta much when she returned there. She is now working in another city in Indonesia.

…
Me: So how often do you return to Jakarta?
Me: Well, “return” may not be the right word. Sounds too much like home.
She: You bet. It is more appropriate to say “how often do you visit Jakarta?”
Me: Ha ha, I was about to say the exact same word.
She: I can VISIT Jakarta one week every two months.
…

It is amazing how one do not call the city where (s)he has spent more than half of his/her life home. But then it is possible. Look at my friend, for instance. People say home is where the heart is (hey, look, I am using a cliché)

Me? I have three homes: Indonesia, Scotland and Spain.

Or perhaps, if my home is where my heart is, then my home is where my heart really is: within me, wherever I go.

Or perhaps, if I have to be honest, then my home is where He, The Ultimate Truth, is, where I really long to be. One day, one day.