Bored, bored, bored

Another confession: I am bored.

I am practically doing nothing during these six months in Spain except learning the language. Not that I am undermining my learning Spanish or my spiritual process. Nor am I not thankful for this blessing called life. But I used to do and am used to doing a lot more. I feel useless and meaningless. I am bored.

But when I told this to my friends, they were puzzled. There are so many things you can do, they said, such as reading, traveling, and visiting museums. Go out and enjoy yourself, they added, you have what many people can only dream of: a one-year sabbatical leave, a 365 days of being free to do whatever you want without having to go to work. What a dream comes true.

Well, thank you. But that is exactly where the problem lies. All I do are going to four-hours-a-day classes, reading, traveling and chatting with friends. There are so many wrongs in the world and yet I am sitting here doing ‘nothing’. I need something more productive, something that will lead to producing something, something that is beneficial for other people. I feel useless. I feel guilty.

I do not know. Maybe it is just me. I am incapable of ‘enjoying myself’, if I were to apply the definition of “enjoying myself” used by so many people.

Am I strange to feel so bored in the middle of this beautiful country among these beautiful people? Am I wrong to feel useless and guilty? Am I weird for not being able to ‘enjoy myself’ and wanting to return to getting busy?

Enlighten me, people.